Looking Up

So for those of you who actually read my blogs, you may have noticed that I've taken a long absence from writing. While I have been busy planning Spring Break trips, apartment hunting, and trying to pass my last semester of college classes, the main reason for my absence is that I've filled that void that led me to writing in the first place... happiness! A lot has changed over the past few months, I've made new friends, learned more about old ones, applied the concept of saying "no" when I have too much going on in my life to take on more tasks, and lastly, I've embraced this inevitable ending in May, where I enter the "real world".

More than anything, I'm excited to be welcoming my new addition..."Koda Bear", a beautiful gray and white female husky puppy into my life! As if I know ANYTHING about being a mother, I've been searching for this bundle of joy for months now, and the moment I found out she was born tears filled my eyes. (I can only imagine the kind of joy that will fill my heart when I bring my own child into this world...much MUCH later in life...I'll be an emotional wreck). Anyway, I've read training book after book and spent countless hours online shopping for baby Koda :) It will come as no surprise to my friends and family that she will be 100% spoiled!

So what I really wanted to share with you guys is my "ah-ha" moment that I've had over the last few months. My journey throughout this blog was all to fill a void months ago. As simply as I can put it, I had my heartbroken, and my whole world turned upside down. My advice to you all and to myself was to smile, and LEARN from heartache. So I did. And today when I smile I truly mean it :) But here's the catch, you always hear the saying "you never know what you had until it's gone", well here's what I've learned, "you never know what you could have until you can compare it to something else"...no this doesn't mean date multiple people at once! It means, I've had people come into my life that were absolutely fantastic...handsome, smart, funny, the whole package...but until you get your heart broken and move onto someone else, you find that while that perosn was great, there's someone that fits the mold that God has planned for you EVEN more!

My ah-ha moment was over Spring Break...when I went with my two friends, Holly and Maja, to North Carolina. We went to wineries, took a trip to Charleston beach, had picnics on the lake, fancy dinners, and even saw the Bachelorette's house! Anyway, there's this guy that I met a few years back the first time I came to visit for Spring Break, and there was an immediate connection. He's what you'd call a true "southern gentleman"...plus he's 5 years older so the maturity level is almost equal ;) This time around, I wasn't sure what was going to happen between us. Both single. We've got the history. But we're miles apart, and I'm questioning my willingness to try opening up to anyone at this point in my life.

One night, we're all out at dinner having so much fun, and the next minute he asked me on a date. That's when it hit me. I'm content. I've got this amazing man sitting in front of me...he's successful, independent, thoughtful, respectable, and handsome. But I know what I've HAD and I know what I WANT...right now I want to focus on me and only me. In his usual gentlemen-like character, he understood, and I spent the remainder of the trip enjoying the time with my friends. It was the perfect way to spend my last Spring Break!

My thoughts on all of this is that when you have this amazing opportunity sitting right before your eyes and you have the willingness to say "no" for yourself, that is the moment where you know everything has happened for a reason! As if God has spent this entire time I've been trying to move on telling me to wait for this very moment where I say "oh..so I'm not ready". God has worked it all out for all of us, and we just need to wait for him to reveal who he wants us to spend the rest of our lives with. Until then, I'll enjoy his preparations!

Love is so unbelieveably complicated...I think that's why I always find myself writing about it. But as of now love excites me! I know that when my heart is ready, God will present my Prince Charming.

The thought of moving back to my hometown after graduation used to scare me...old friends, old memories, just consistency of living in one place my entire life, and worrying that I'll return and revert back to the old me. But knowing that my school years are behind me, that I've spend more time in a classroom than anything else in life, excites me! I've kicked and complained along the way, but it's time to let go of all of it and truly grow up! So i'll return to my hometown, McKinney, TX, and embrace it all...with Koda, of course!

Drive Me Crazy

So lately I've been getting pretty deep with you guys, so I wanted to lighten the mood :) There are some seriously crazy people out there. We all do weird stuff, but I made a list of things that either bother me/aren't attractive/are just simply unexplainable. So here it goes...

Things I will never understand:

1.     People who cheat…if you don’t want to be in a relationship, don’t!

2.     People who don’t shower AT LEAST every other day

3.     Socks with flip-flops

4.     Skirts/shorts with ugg boots…pick a season!

5.     Boys who take longer to get ready than girls. This just doesn’t compute…y’all don’t have to dry your hair or put on makeup. No excuses.

6.     College professors who take attendance for a grade. You get paid either way so why do you care if we’re there or not?

7.     Broke people who still find the money to buy cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. Get your priorities in line.

8.     People who steal for a living. After all the time and effort you put into taking other people’s things you could have found a respectable job a McDonald’s!

9.     People who don’t like puppies or babies. Seriously, how can you not like something that small and innocent?

10.  The difference between partly sunny and partly cloudy. Maybe a meteorology major can help me with this one…

11.  Why people in horror movies always, and will continue to, ignore the obvious theme music. I just sit there yelling at the screen telling them to run. But they never do…

12.  Why do they call driveways driveways when they are meant for parking, but the Parkways are meant for driving.

13.  Crocs. No explanation required.

14.  Gauges, you have gigantic holes in your ears…what is the reasoning behind that?

15.  People who hate Macs. If you just don’t like them, cool, but passionate hate? why?

16.  Why did Nelly wear a band-aid on his face all the time?

17.  Why I never seem to run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.

18.  My hatred of procrastination, yet my non-relenting tendency to do it.

19.  People who recline their car seats to where they can barely see over the dash. Is this a cool factor or do you just have freakishly long arms?

20.  Why ranch isn’t included in every pizza box

21.  Bikers that stay in the middle of the road so you can’t pass OR refuse to use the rules of the road... like stop at red lights. If you're going to act like a car, use the same rules as cars!

22.  People who tweet their every thought. That’s what diaries are for!

23.  People who tweet pics of food they’re eating

24.  People who put stuffed animals in their cars’ front/back dashboard. You might as well have "child molester" written on your license plate.

25.  People who wear clothes that are entirely too small or big for their body. Too small and it gathers in places that we don’t want to see. Too big and well you don't really know WHAT's goin on under there.

26.  Telemarketers. Who wakes up in the morning and thinks to themselves, “man I hope someone calls me and tries to sell me something I really don’t need today”?

27.  People who seem to be unaware of the fact that they have terrible B.O.

28.  People who switch the words around to describe the word they are trying to portray. Ex) Ethical Tendency is a tendency to be ethical. Wow now I get it!

29.  People who delete and re-friend on Facebook all the time.

30.  Teachers/Professors who teach on a subject they have no experience in. Ex) Teaching supervision skills when you’ve never supervised before

31.  People who are constantly late. Get a watch. Wake up earlier. Punctuality is a respectable trait!

32.  Tanerexia. When you’re white and you’re the same or a darker skin tone than your ethnic friends, you have a problem.

33.  People who try to make the red light but end up blocking the intersection. Impatient much?

34.  When you call someone and they don’t answer, but then they text you right back.

35.  When you tell someone you can’t talk because you’re on the phone and they continue to talk to you anyways.

36.  People who start fights/debates on facebook threads…that’s what messages are for!

37.  Local commercials...especially Norman.

38.  Girls who act drunk when they’re not. 

39. People who send you a friend request, you deny it, and then they ask again as if you DIDN'T deny it three other times.

40. People who always interrupt anytime anyone tries to talk to them. Ever. 

Learning to Let Go

Before I begin, I need put a disclaimer: this is a very sensitive subject for me. Everyone's entitled to their own way of living, loving, and learning. I write this in the hopes that you can take from what I've learned, and apply it to your own life... in your own way :)

In my first blog I wrote about my recent heartbreak. I don't know where each of you stands in your love life right now, but learning how to move on can be applied to any scenario. An ex boyfriend, a old job, a class that you didn't do so well in, an ex friend, a family member, etc. We are all in this web of intertwined relationships...some build us up, and some tear us down. But when is it time to look at those not-so-great relationships and say enough is enough?

My mom always told me that a healthy relationship is one where BOTH people are bettering each other. After all, if you're doing all the work...what's in it for you? As I write this, I think of that one friend that conveniently calls/texts me when they need something...the one that "catches up" with you for a few minutes and then discloses their underlying favor that they must ask of you. But when the times comes for the favor to be returned, that person is far too busy to lend a helping hand.

As this pertains to my last breakup, I must admit it's been the most exhausting/confusing/unexplainable feeling that I've ever had to endure. There are just some things in life that we are never going to understand. And sometimes coming to terms with the unknown is the only thing left to do! So how do you do it? I can't put a timeline on the time it takes to heal a broken heart. But what I can tell you is the cycle of moving on...in the only way I know possible!

This might sound weird, but moving on is much like grieving. There's a cycle, and while you may go through the cycle several times, you will eventually move past what you need to in time.

Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news. When things are going good for you, it is sometimes really hard to hear that happiness come to a halt. It takes days, even months sometimes to come to terms with a heartbreak or bad situation. For example, I remember high school graduation...everyone crying and sharing memories, etc. For me, I didn't shed a tear! It hadn't settled that this was the end. But eventually it hit me days later. I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't sad when everyone around me seemed to be...but some people just process differently.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable. I am an optimist, so when bad things go wrong my first thought is "things will get better...he/she will come around". This can be a good thing at times, however, in most situations, it's giving myself false hope. This is most prevalent when relationships end, because after time passes, we remember the happiest moments with that person, versus the reasons why it ended in the first place. Having hope that that problem will change is normal, we all want to believe that we made good decisions, but it's important to know that God has a reason for pulling people apart. It's all part of the greater plan :)

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion. While I'm not much of a confrontational/angry person this stage is hard to skip over. As humans we like to point our finger at others without taking a good look in the mirror. Knowing that you can place the blame on someone else seems to ease the pain, however, it takes two to tango people! It's okay to be angry when things come to an end, but don't take it out on those you love, and don't say anything you'll regret down the road. For me, I find an outlet in writing my thoughts down. Type up what you want to say so it's out there, and then delete it or write it down and trash it! Think of it as a less aggressive way of speaking your mind.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out. This is often the stage where I break down. After the fires of anger have been blow out, the next stage is a desperate round of bargaining, seeking ways to avoid having the bad thing happen. Bargaining is thus a vain expression of hope that the bad news is reversible. It's important to recognize that by taking risks, great things can come to you, but at the same time, things WILL go wrong... It's part of life!

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable. Coming to terms with the finality can be relieving, or sometimes you think "what's next?' It's confusing for me, because I know that there's a reason for everything, but finding what lesson to take away from it is difficult! No matter how the person treated me, I like to think that that person is somewhat better from knowing me. That somehow through the ending of one relationship, they found a new happy beginning in another. I think God would want us to feel that for others.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions. After you've gone through the anger and sadness, you start to really be happy with yourself and just surrounding yourself with friends and family! You might have been avoiding songs, places, even people that brought back memories of that relationship. This stage is about coming out of that dark place and truly living again.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward. The biggest mistake you can do is digress from this stage. Don't reopen doors that were shut for a reason. By opening lines of communication with that person before this stage, it will only create more heartache and setback. Respect that individual enough to let them move on as well. Time heals all wounds, and I'm a big believer in reestablishing friendships ONCE both sides have moved on in a healthy way! 

Respect the cycle, people! Everyone's different, but we all hit the stages differently. Live and learn and smile until you eventually mean it :)

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

As most of you know, Valentines Day aka "Singles awareness day" is approaching! Guys it's THIS TUESDAY for those of you who lose track of time. On February 14th, couples across the world will celebrate the spirit of love, singles will flock together and grieve to each other over chocolate, Chinese, or buckets of ice cream, and others will disregard the holiday altogether. Hundreds of thousands of dollars will be spent on flowers, jewelry, cards, and candy. Some couples will tell their significant other they love them for the first time, boyfriends will propose to the girl of their dreams, some husbands will show a much needed act of love to their wives, and perhaps an old flame will rekindle.

Love is always an interesting topic to discuss because it is constantly changing. Some of you may be living a perfect fairy tale, others may be singles advocates, and some of you may be unsure about where you stand with that certain someone. As for me, I spent last Valentines Day in the Hills of Italy's wine country happily single. This year will be a much different scenery back in the states! But enough about me. This holiday has been criticized my many as commercialized and materialistic. While I don't have the best taste in my mouth about love at this point in my life, I do see many benefits to participating in Valentines Day.

Wondering what all the fuss is about? Why celebrate Valentines Day? For one, everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved. While many of you can be perfectly content with a simple relationship status, (boyfriend/girlfriend/married, etc.) it is always nice to hear those three words that reassure others of your feelings. It is always warming to see random acts of kindness and giving to show that you took the time out of your day to do something meaningful for someone else. 

BOYS...suck up your pride and do something spontaneous and sweet. Don't take a good woman for granted. Someday, someone will come along and appreciate what you didn't. Your girl may tell you that she doesn't need flowers and all that and that's perfectly fine...but get out of your element and show her how much you care. Valentines Day doesn't mean spend a lot of money. In fact, some of the most romantic gestures don't cost much at all! Take her on a picnic, make a homemade card, write her a letter of your most favorite memories together...the less materialistic and more thoughtful, the better! ONE DAY OUT OF THE YEAR do something that says "I'm your man and I can be romantic, too!"

GIRLS...don't expect too much. Mom always said expect the worst, and hope for the best. Movies like "The Notebook" and "The Vow" are setting unrealistic expectations for men these days. If your man remembers this special day, that in itself is a miracle! Be grateful that you have someone special to share it with and cherish it!

SINGLES...just remember this..."Saying you'll never love again is like saying you'll never smile again. As much as you don't want to do it eventually someone will come along and make you." Don't be that person that wears all black and and complains to everyone about your miserable love life. Just keep your head up and know that good things are coming to you.

So grab your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/friends and celebrate this day of appreciation of love and friendship :) If you have been holding back your feelings for someone, don't. Use this day as an excuse to be bold and open up completely. If you have been taking your significant other for granted, stop. Tell them how much they mean to you, and remind them of the reason you fell in love in the first place. If you are fighting to make a mediocre relationship work, maybe it's time for you to align your reality with your worthiness. And if you're lonely, surround yourself with good friends, and love yourself whole heartily...you have to love yourself before anyone else can!

Just The Way You Are

They say when you go to college, that that's where you "find yourself". You find your best friends that are going to be there for the most significant times in your life. You find your passion, what you want to do in life, though it may take a few trys...and you might change your mind...you figure it out somehow. You find your beliefs, what you stand for and what significance you want to leave behind. You find love...and though you may lose it, or you're still waiting...it's there and you know that you're capable of investing in someone and something greater than yourself. You find your strengths, after years of fighting through the weaknesses. You find responsibility, discipline, and taking care of yourself, and like all the other findings it takes LOTS of mistakes to get it right.

Life has this funny way of working things out. We're so tech-savvy these days that we stress over things that don't work out right away. We expect everything to be bigger, better, faster...yet we forget that good things take time, and that GREAT things take even longer. If you've ever spent a decent amount of time with me, I can almost guarantee that I've talked to you about StrengthsFinder 2.0. I think it's absolutely brilliant and it shed's light on finding your significance in life. Anyways, one of the co writers took that book even farther and wrote a book to help find your strengths in the workplace called "Standout". I could go on and on about how accurate this book is BUT basically it taught me that I'm a "provider" and a "teacher".

Providers begin by asking, "Is everyone okay?" You are acutely aware of others' emotional states, particularly if you sense they are feeling hurt or slighted. You are instinctively inclusive, always looking for ways to draw others into the circle and make them feel wanted, heard, and appreciated. You pay close attention to the differences between people, each person's likes, dislikes, and foibles. It's the only way to attend to their feelings, you think. You are protective of other people and will get angry or upset if you see behavior that is cavalier or dismissive of people's feelings. You are an intensely loyal and forgiving friend, but you are no pushover. Although your circle is large, it does have a perimeter, and if someone's behavior offends you, you will exile him beyond the perimeter. But this exile will not last, because, in your heart, you believe everyone can be understood, everyone can be redeemed, everyone can, in the end, be forgiven. At home and work, many will come to trust you and rely on you: you are their safe harbor, a consistently supportive presence in a world that doesn't care. And they love you for it.

Teacher's begin by asking, "What can he learn from this?" Your focus is instinctively toward the other person. Not his feelings, necessarily, but his understanding, his skills, and his performance. You see each person as a work in progress, and you are comfortable with this messiness. You don't expect him to be perfect; in fact, you don't want him to be perfect. You see the possibility in imperfection. You know that imperfection creates choice, and that choice leads to learning. Since you are energized by another person's growth, you look for signs of it. "Where was he last month?" you ask yourself. "What measurable progress have I seen?" You create novel ways to keep track of his performance and celebrate with him when he reaches new heights. You ask him a lot of questions to figure out what he knows and what he doesn't, how he learns best, what is important to him, and what journey he is on. Only then can you join him at the appropriate level and in the appropriate way. Only then can you help him learn.

When you combine "Providers" and "Teachers" you get "Investors". Your currency is people. You believe in the amazing potential of those you meet. You never stop considering what more you can do to support their growth and development. You care so much about your impact on those you serve that you constantly find ways to hone your craft, increase your knowledge, advance your qualifications. You take your professional development very seriously because you know that you have tremendous influence on other people. Sensitive and thoughtful, you always consider how people will be impacted by your message. You often follow up with people to ensure that "everything is OK." You protect your investment.

After reading my "Standout" assessment and looking back on my 4 years here at OU, I am slowly starting to understand myself. I think we get so caught up in everyone else...what everyone else is doing, how everyone else is treating you, the cards that life has dealt you...but we forget to take a step back and really take a look inward. Do something to help you better understand how YOU work and what YOU want to do with this precious time that we have here on earth. After 3 1/2 years of listening to countless professors and advisors, I feel like I've finally found myself. Things are falling apart all around me, yet I've never been so grounded in who I am and what I stand for. There's a great piece of mind in that...and because I want "everyone to be okay" I hope that you all will find yourself in this mess we call life :)

More Than a Man

Listen up boys! You’ve got the girl, or you’re wondering where you went wrong when you HAD her, or you’re just curious what we want or what we are hoping for…here it is. Are you ready for it? WE WANT YOU TO CARE. If you care, then everything else falls into place.

If you cared, you would have said “I’m sorry”…even if you don’t think she was right. If you cared, you would open her door because you don’t want her to lift a finger while you’re around. If you cared, you would give her your jacket because you want to be the only one to give her goose bumps. If you cared, you would call her every night before you go to bed and every morning when you wake up because you want her to be the first and last voice you hear everyday. If you cared, you would listen to her when she’s upset or complaining because you want to be her hero when no one else is willing to put in the effort. If you cared, you would fight for her every step of the way because she’s worth fighting for. If you cared, you would tell her you love her everyday because you don’t want her to go a day without knowing how you feel. If you cared you would be spontaneous and bring her flowers or make her a card or take her on a road trip or out to dinner to a random place because you want your love to be just as passionate as the day you met. 

If you cared, you’d tell her that she looks beautiful when she is wearing sweats and no makeup because you see her beautiful heart and body and you want her to feel good in her own skin when she’s with you. If you cared, you’d hold her hand and hug her and kiss her as much as you can because you can’t stand the thought of going a minute without her by your side. If you cared, you would support her, even if she’s making a mistake, because you want her to be independent and strong. If you cared, you’d smile every time you see her in public and tell your friends “that’s my girl” because you are so proud to have won her over. If you cared, you would compromise because you want to do life together as two minds walking in harmony to one drum. If you cared, you would put your selfish ambitions aside for the greater of your relationship. 

If you cared, you would do anything to brighten her day and see her smile, because the thought of her being sad or upset makes you ache. If you cared, you would put her happiness on the same level as your own. If you cared, you would do your best to get to know not just the facts about her, but the way she works, and why she does the things that she does. If you cared, you would make an effort to get to know her family and the people that matter to her most in her life. If you cared, you would drop your cool and open up because you trust her enough to give her your whole heart in the hopes that she won't break it.

There's this great quote from Bob Marley, "He's not perfect. You are't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."

Guys, we don't expect you to do all or even half of the things that are listed above. We don't expect you to be something that you're not. BUT if you can be sincere and treat your girl the way you would want your dad to treat your mom, I PROMISE YOU you will have the greatest relationship that you have ever known. It's not rocket science. We just want to be loved. TELL her you love her, SHOW her that you love her, and don't ever stop doing those things. It's the people that give up on the romance that ultimately give up on their relationship. You have to believe in fairy tales and happy endings and prince charmings :)

This One's For the Girls

So, girls have this unspoken "code", if you will, that other girls/friends should be aware of. Just as Americans have this unspoken "code" with lines...you don't cut the line, whether it's a drive through, a grocery lane check out, or a ride at six flags...you just DON'T do it! With tipping after a meal, or opening the door for a girl, or even calling after a certain time so as not to wake the caller. Unspoken codes are part of your acceptance into friend groups, jobs, and other organizations. So this is "girl code 101". Special thanks to Morgan, Amanda, Afton, Kourtney, Lindsey, Holly, Sarah, and Caitlin for helping compile the following list:

1. If there’s a tag on a piece of clothing, or the owner hasn't worn it before, don’t ask to borrow it. We hate having to tell you "no" so there's always that awkward "I haven't worn it before so..." statement...so don't put the girl in that position. Exception: if you and the girl are super close and/or she offers.
2. Always give an invite even if you know the girl is going to say no. 
3. Just because you talked to a guy on facebook or met him briefly, doesn’t mean you have dibs on him. Exception: if you just lost your job, your pet, a family member, or your boyfriend.
4. If you date a guy for 6 months or more, he is off limits to any girl in your sorority/group/organization no matter what your relationship with that girl is.
5. Girls should never call girls pet names, including the following: babe, sweetie, dude, honey, punkin, sweetheart, sweetie pie, sugar, and girlfriend. Exception: best friends or inside jokes.
6. Girls don’t eat other girls junk food unless you’ve been given permission. (this is our "i've had a bad day"/"i just got dumped"/"i've had too much to drink so I need a late night snack" go to food) Guilty parties must replenish ASAP :)
7. No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend present. If permission to is granted their should be at least 2 other people with you.
8. You are never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into.
 Exception: If he’s one of those guys who every girl likes.
9. No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend if they will knowingly be in the same place. Exception: Halloween costumes/date parties where both girls intentionally plan to wear the same thing
10. If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, “I think she is more your type, you should call her”.
11. When dating, a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls. Guilty parties will regret all that wasted time spent with their significant other when they end up breaking up anyways.
12. You are morally obligated to stop your friend from hanging out with a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if the said friend is under the influence of alcohol
13. Never insult your friend, but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look.
14. You are to never diss a friends family member/boyfriend/best friend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he/she is being a jerk. In most cases it is easier to nod.
15. When out with the ladies, if a girl points out a guy that she is interested in, another girl should avoid making a bee-line over to him to get his number for herself. Show some respect.
16. If recently single it is advised that you do not moan about being single to someone who has been single for a longer time than you.. think about it! 
17. Always leave the party with the girls you came with unless a mutual agreement has been met.
18. You are perfectly within reason to dislike your boyfriend's ex even if she is the nicest girl in the world, feeds the poor, visits old peoples homes, etc.
19. In the presence of other girls, secrets secrets are no fun! Save it for later or share the love.
20. If you have a picture of your friend on facebook/myspace or any other public medium and she dislikes it (and gives sufficient reason as to why she does) it is your duty to remove it 
21. When said evening is described as a “Girls’ Night Out” that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend. Exception: if one of the girls invites him to join...or he's gay :)
22. Stop being the “Me too!” girl If your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder – and her story – by constantly trying to one-up her. For example: if Stacy had a "crazy night" and met this great guy, and then slipped and fell right in front of him. Don't be the girl that says "me too! But I fell on my face in front of this really cute guy and all of his friends". 
23. Don't break the girl code. 

When I grow up

"The Best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." -Chinese Proverb


I saw this quote this past week and decided it would be a good fit to this blog! As a senior in my last semester at OU, I'm noticing lots and lots of change...within myself and my friends. We're getting jobs, internships, applying for graduate schools and law schools, getting engaged or planning trips abroad. Life is speeding by right before my eyes, and this class is in what feels like an awkward limbo of uncertainty. My whole life until this moment has been evolved around what I'm going to be when I grow up. But I'm here! What's next?

When I was younger I dreamt of becoming a "pediatric pulmonologist" aka a children's asthma doctor. I grew up with terrible asthma, and I'm sure those of you who experienced years and year of hospital scares, and birthdays and holidays in the doctors offices know exactly where I'm coming from. I wanted to help others like me! But my talents told me otherwise when I couldn't focus in science classes. So here I am, graduating in May with a Business Management degree...try explaining that one to the 10 year old me!

This semester I'm taking a Sports Management class with Professor Allgood. After spending 15 seasons with the Oklahoma City Red hawks baseball team, he came back to OU to spend his Wednesday nights with students like me :) Anyways, Allgood went around the room and asked us if you had all the money in the world, and you could do ANYTHING, how would you spend your time? Most students said "buy the NFL" or "travel" or "teach" and then the occasional "PARTY all the time" came up (how embarrassing on your first day)..and then me, I said "wedding planner". He ended the class with this, "I know most of you if not all of you don't want to become sports managers, and that's okay. But if there's one thing I've learned in all my years in this business it's that you have to do something your passionate about...and the money will come to you! So, whatever you just told me you want to do in life, DO IT. What's stopping you?"

When I was in Italy I got a taste of what truly appreciating life felt like. Here in the States we center our lives around our job and what is expected of us. But in Europe they center their lives around their families, and they work just enough to get by...not for selfish ambition or to make something of themselves...they simply work to live versus living to work. It is almost impossible to have that mentality in the States with our fast pace, but I do think there's something wrong with our society when we're spending more time at a job that we don't even ENJOY than we are spending with our own families.


When I first told my friends and family about my wedding planning dream, they smiled and said that it "suits me". But it's not really a respected profession until you can truly make a name for yourself. Wedding planning takes money and lots and lots of apprenticeship until you can make that name. So, what to do? I'm a firm believer in God breaking things up so that he can put your life back together in the way he intended. As I stated before, the best time to make a change was 20 years ago, but the second best time is NOW. While I do have a job waiting for me back home, and an opportunity to have my MBA paid for, I'm going to work towards what makes me happy...planning events, believing in happily ever afters, and watching two people start that journey in matrimony. I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather be doing!

So my advice to you is it's never too late! Don't be that 65 year old, ready to retire, looking back on your life WISHING you hadn't wasted all those years on a less than mediocre job. Don't let money, or peers, or education stand in your way, because if people always did what they were "expected to do" we would still be riding wagons around town and writing letters across seas instead of flying planes or picking up the phone! I don't think there is one age that categorizes someone as "grown up". You are always growing, so don't give those dreams up that you once had. "When I grow up" is still in your reach, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Forgiveness

As I sit here thinking of how to share this story, my roommate, Amanda tells me about her sermon today at Journey church. She said that it was about hearing how God speaks to us in different ways. Some people hear His voice, others get signs, and if you're like me, he will literally knock you right off your feet when I need to hear him most. So today, God showed me a verse that has been weighing heavily on my heart for weeks, and I feel the need to share with you all :) Luke 6:27-28 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." 

From the cradle to the rocker, we are all guilty of keeping "tabs" on people that do us wrong. When my best friend, Megan, and I were growing up I threw her tamagotchi angel out the window...(I guess she had made me mad, and for whatever reason, I thought throwing her favorite toy out the window would make us even). To this day she won't let me live that one down. Of course this concept continues as we get older, but on a much bigger scale; the girl or guy that breaks your heart for the first time, the boss that gives your well-deserved promotion to someone else, the car dealer that ripped you off... it is a never ending battle. 

I know for me, I can slap a smile on my face and tell myself to "forgive and forget", but that wrong-doing will dwell in the back of my mind until the next person crosses me. But what does God say about forgiveness? Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." God commands us to forgive each other, because having that anger/hurt/resentment built up is self-destructive. It will literally eat away at you until you break down and turn that anger into hatred. 

While God commands us to forgive, God doesn't command that we have to continue to have a relationship with that person. If someone does you wrong time after time, forgive them...every single time...but do not feel the need to trust that person again. Don't feel like not pursuing a relationship with someone is displeasing to God. I think God calls us to forgive because he knows our hearts. He knows that no one wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I want to hurt someone today". These things just happen because we are sinful beings. Forgiveness releases the negative that consumes and takes over us, and frees us! 

I know for me, I have had resentment built up over a past relationship that I just cannot seem to release. When I think back on all the time that I sat around wasting precious moments that could have been happy, dwelling on anger and hatred for that person...it makes me sad! God wouldn't WANT us to have anger in our hearts. He knows when we're happy and he knows when we're upset...so don't kid yourself into thinking you're going to hide your resentment from him..because you will fail every time! So I'm not by any means saying suck it up and move on. I'm saying talk to God about what's residing in your heart...and LISTEN for his answers. 

To those of you who have been wronged in a relationship, remember this verse, 1 Corinthians 13:5 talks about love, "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." If you know in your heart that you cannot accept everything about that person, the good, the bad, and the ugly, then you need to take a good look in the mirror and decide first, is anyone going to ever have that "perfect past?"...I can almost guarantee that's a no. And second, is this relationship worth it? Because if you can't accept that person today, what makes you think that you will accept them tomorrow? If the two of you can overcome this battle, God will bless your relationship in so many ways because you have loved in the way he intended love to be!

Overcoming forgiveness: I challenge each of you to make a list of every person that you've held a grudge towards, or that you just haven't been able to forgive. Once you've made that, go down the list and pray that God grants you the serenity to truly forgive them. Pray for those individuals. Continue to pray for them until the day you can look at that list and no longer hold those emotions for that person...and then cross them off! Forgiveness can be instant, but trust is built over time and can be taken away at any given moment. Have faith that God will grant you that serenity if you simply ask. "Forgiveness", to me, means letting go and letting God!