More Than a Man

Listen up boys! You’ve got the girl, or you’re wondering where you went wrong when you HAD her, or you’re just curious what we want or what we are hoping for…here it is. Are you ready for it? WE WANT YOU TO CARE. If you care, then everything else falls into place.

If you cared, you would have said “I’m sorry”…even if you don’t think she was right. If you cared, you would open her door because you don’t want her to lift a finger while you’re around. If you cared, you would give her your jacket because you want to be the only one to give her goose bumps. If you cared, you would call her every night before you go to bed and every morning when you wake up because you want her to be the first and last voice you hear everyday. If you cared, you would listen to her when she’s upset or complaining because you want to be her hero when no one else is willing to put in the effort. If you cared, you would fight for her every step of the way because she’s worth fighting for. If you cared, you would tell her you love her everyday because you don’t want her to go a day without knowing how you feel. If you cared you would be spontaneous and bring her flowers or make her a card or take her on a road trip or out to dinner to a random place because you want your love to be just as passionate as the day you met. 

If you cared, you’d tell her that she looks beautiful when she is wearing sweats and no makeup because you see her beautiful heart and body and you want her to feel good in her own skin when she’s with you. If you cared, you’d hold her hand and hug her and kiss her as much as you can because you can’t stand the thought of going a minute without her by your side. If you cared, you would support her, even if she’s making a mistake, because you want her to be independent and strong. If you cared, you’d smile every time you see her in public and tell your friends “that’s my girl” because you are so proud to have won her over. If you cared, you would compromise because you want to do life together as two minds walking in harmony to one drum. If you cared, you would put your selfish ambitions aside for the greater of your relationship. 

If you cared, you would do anything to brighten her day and see her smile, because the thought of her being sad or upset makes you ache. If you cared, you would put her happiness on the same level as your own. If you cared, you would do your best to get to know not just the facts about her, but the way she works, and why she does the things that she does. If you cared, you would make an effort to get to know her family and the people that matter to her most in her life. If you cared, you would drop your cool and open up because you trust her enough to give her your whole heart in the hopes that she won't break it.

There's this great quote from Bob Marley, "He's not perfect. You are't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."

Guys, we don't expect you to do all or even half of the things that are listed above. We don't expect you to be something that you're not. BUT if you can be sincere and treat your girl the way you would want your dad to treat your mom, I PROMISE YOU you will have the greatest relationship that you have ever known. It's not rocket science. We just want to be loved. TELL her you love her, SHOW her that you love her, and don't ever stop doing those things. It's the people that give up on the romance that ultimately give up on their relationship. You have to believe in fairy tales and happy endings and prince charmings :)

This One's For the Girls

So, girls have this unspoken "code", if you will, that other girls/friends should be aware of. Just as Americans have this unspoken "code" with lines...you don't cut the line, whether it's a drive through, a grocery lane check out, or a ride at six flags...you just DON'T do it! With tipping after a meal, or opening the door for a girl, or even calling after a certain time so as not to wake the caller. Unspoken codes are part of your acceptance into friend groups, jobs, and other organizations. So this is "girl code 101". Special thanks to Morgan, Amanda, Afton, Kourtney, Lindsey, Holly, Sarah, and Caitlin for helping compile the following list:

1. If there’s a tag on a piece of clothing, or the owner hasn't worn it before, don’t ask to borrow it. We hate having to tell you "no" so there's always that awkward "I haven't worn it before so..." statement...so don't put the girl in that position. Exception: if you and the girl are super close and/or she offers.
2. Always give an invite even if you know the girl is going to say no. 
3. Just because you talked to a guy on facebook or met him briefly, doesn’t mean you have dibs on him. Exception: if you just lost your job, your pet, a family member, or your boyfriend.
4. If you date a guy for 6 months or more, he is off limits to any girl in your sorority/group/organization no matter what your relationship with that girl is.
5. Girls should never call girls pet names, including the following: babe, sweetie, dude, honey, punkin, sweetheart, sweetie pie, sugar, and girlfriend. Exception: best friends or inside jokes.
6. Girls don’t eat other girls junk food unless you’ve been given permission. (this is our "i've had a bad day"/"i just got dumped"/"i've had too much to drink so I need a late night snack" go to food) Guilty parties must replenish ASAP :)
7. No girl is to ever hang out with the boyfriend of a friend without the friend present. If permission to is granted their should be at least 2 other people with you.
8. You are never in any case to date a friends ex or a guy who she was really into.
 Exception: If he’s one of those guys who every girl likes.
9. No girl shall wear the same outfit or perfume as a friend if they will knowingly be in the same place. Exception: Halloween costumes/date parties where both girls intentionally plan to wear the same thing
10. If a guy your friend is into asks for your number, you are to deny it and walk away, and/or slip him your friends number while saying, “I think she is more your type, you should call her”.
11. When dating, a girl should find equal and/or enough time to still hang out with her girls. Guilty parties will regret all that wasted time spent with their significant other when they end up breaking up anyways.
12. You are morally obligated to stop your friend from hanging out with a guy you KNOW she will greatly regret in the morning if the said friend is under the influence of alcohol
13. Never insult your friend, but never let your friend leave the house looking hideous. Find a better way to tell your friend how they look.
14. You are to never diss a friends family member/boyfriend/best friend except to agree lightly or nod when she says he/she is being a jerk. In most cases it is easier to nod.
15. When out with the ladies, if a girl points out a guy that she is interested in, another girl should avoid making a bee-line over to him to get his number for herself. Show some respect.
16. If recently single it is advised that you do not moan about being single to someone who has been single for a longer time than you.. think about it! 
17. Always leave the party with the girls you came with unless a mutual agreement has been met.
18. You are perfectly within reason to dislike your boyfriend's ex even if she is the nicest girl in the world, feeds the poor, visits old peoples homes, etc.
19. In the presence of other girls, secrets secrets are no fun! Save it for later or share the love.
20. If you have a picture of your friend on facebook/myspace or any other public medium and she dislikes it (and gives sufficient reason as to why she does) it is your duty to remove it 
21. When said evening is described as a “Girls’ Night Out” that means it is for GIRLS ONLY. Consider it payback for all those tree houses and snow forts we couldn’t enter as children. Do not invite your boyfriend. Exception: if one of the girls invites him to join...or he's gay :)
22. Stop being the “Me too!” girl If your friend is telling a story, stop stealing her thunder – and her story – by constantly trying to one-up her. For example: if Stacy had a "crazy night" and met this great guy, and then slipped and fell right in front of him. Don't be the girl that says "me too! But I fell on my face in front of this really cute guy and all of his friends". 
23. Don't break the girl code. 

When I grow up

"The Best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." -Chinese Proverb


I saw this quote this past week and decided it would be a good fit to this blog! As a senior in my last semester at OU, I'm noticing lots and lots of change...within myself and my friends. We're getting jobs, internships, applying for graduate schools and law schools, getting engaged or planning trips abroad. Life is speeding by right before my eyes, and this class is in what feels like an awkward limbo of uncertainty. My whole life until this moment has been evolved around what I'm going to be when I grow up. But I'm here! What's next?

When I was younger I dreamt of becoming a "pediatric pulmonologist" aka a children's asthma doctor. I grew up with terrible asthma, and I'm sure those of you who experienced years and year of hospital scares, and birthdays and holidays in the doctors offices know exactly where I'm coming from. I wanted to help others like me! But my talents told me otherwise when I couldn't focus in science classes. So here I am, graduating in May with a Business Management degree...try explaining that one to the 10 year old me!

This semester I'm taking a Sports Management class with Professor Allgood. After spending 15 seasons with the Oklahoma City Red hawks baseball team, he came back to OU to spend his Wednesday nights with students like me :) Anyways, Allgood went around the room and asked us if you had all the money in the world, and you could do ANYTHING, how would you spend your time? Most students said "buy the NFL" or "travel" or "teach" and then the occasional "PARTY all the time" came up (how embarrassing on your first day)..and then me, I said "wedding planner". He ended the class with this, "I know most of you if not all of you don't want to become sports managers, and that's okay. But if there's one thing I've learned in all my years in this business it's that you have to do something your passionate about...and the money will come to you! So, whatever you just told me you want to do in life, DO IT. What's stopping you?"

When I was in Italy I got a taste of what truly appreciating life felt like. Here in the States we center our lives around our job and what is expected of us. But in Europe they center their lives around their families, and they work just enough to get by...not for selfish ambition or to make something of themselves...they simply work to live versus living to work. It is almost impossible to have that mentality in the States with our fast pace, but I do think there's something wrong with our society when we're spending more time at a job that we don't even ENJOY than we are spending with our own families.


When I first told my friends and family about my wedding planning dream, they smiled and said that it "suits me". But it's not really a respected profession until you can truly make a name for yourself. Wedding planning takes money and lots and lots of apprenticeship until you can make that name. So, what to do? I'm a firm believer in God breaking things up so that he can put your life back together in the way he intended. As I stated before, the best time to make a change was 20 years ago, but the second best time is NOW. While I do have a job waiting for me back home, and an opportunity to have my MBA paid for, I'm going to work towards what makes me happy...planning events, believing in happily ever afters, and watching two people start that journey in matrimony. I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather be doing!

So my advice to you is it's never too late! Don't be that 65 year old, ready to retire, looking back on your life WISHING you hadn't wasted all those years on a less than mediocre job. Don't let money, or peers, or education stand in your way, because if people always did what they were "expected to do" we would still be riding wagons around town and writing letters across seas instead of flying planes or picking up the phone! I don't think there is one age that categorizes someone as "grown up". You are always growing, so don't give those dreams up that you once had. "When I grow up" is still in your reach, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Forgiveness

As I sit here thinking of how to share this story, my roommate, Amanda tells me about her sermon today at Journey church. She said that it was about hearing how God speaks to us in different ways. Some people hear His voice, others get signs, and if you're like me, he will literally knock you right off your feet when I need to hear him most. So today, God showed me a verse that has been weighing heavily on my heart for weeks, and I feel the need to share with you all :) Luke 6:27-28 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." 

From the cradle to the rocker, we are all guilty of keeping "tabs" on people that do us wrong. When my best friend, Megan, and I were growing up I threw her tamagotchi angel out the window...(I guess she had made me mad, and for whatever reason, I thought throwing her favorite toy out the window would make us even). To this day she won't let me live that one down. Of course this concept continues as we get older, but on a much bigger scale; the girl or guy that breaks your heart for the first time, the boss that gives your well-deserved promotion to someone else, the car dealer that ripped you off... it is a never ending battle. 

I know for me, I can slap a smile on my face and tell myself to "forgive and forget", but that wrong-doing will dwell in the back of my mind until the next person crosses me. But what does God say about forgiveness? Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." God commands us to forgive each other, because having that anger/hurt/resentment built up is self-destructive. It will literally eat away at you until you break down and turn that anger into hatred. 

While God commands us to forgive, God doesn't command that we have to continue to have a relationship with that person. If someone does you wrong time after time, forgive them...every single time...but do not feel the need to trust that person again. Don't feel like not pursuing a relationship with someone is displeasing to God. I think God calls us to forgive because he knows our hearts. He knows that no one wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I want to hurt someone today". These things just happen because we are sinful beings. Forgiveness releases the negative that consumes and takes over us, and frees us! 

I know for me, I have had resentment built up over a past relationship that I just cannot seem to release. When I think back on all the time that I sat around wasting precious moments that could have been happy, dwelling on anger and hatred for that person...it makes me sad! God wouldn't WANT us to have anger in our hearts. He knows when we're happy and he knows when we're upset...so don't kid yourself into thinking you're going to hide your resentment from him..because you will fail every time! So I'm not by any means saying suck it up and move on. I'm saying talk to God about what's residing in your heart...and LISTEN for his answers. 

To those of you who have been wronged in a relationship, remember this verse, 1 Corinthians 13:5 talks about love, "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." If you know in your heart that you cannot accept everything about that person, the good, the bad, and the ugly, then you need to take a good look in the mirror and decide first, is anyone going to ever have that "perfect past?"...I can almost guarantee that's a no. And second, is this relationship worth it? Because if you can't accept that person today, what makes you think that you will accept them tomorrow? If the two of you can overcome this battle, God will bless your relationship in so many ways because you have loved in the way he intended love to be!

Overcoming forgiveness: I challenge each of you to make a list of every person that you've held a grudge towards, or that you just haven't been able to forgive. Once you've made that, go down the list and pray that God grants you the serenity to truly forgive them. Pray for those individuals. Continue to pray for them until the day you can look at that list and no longer hold those emotions for that person...and then cross them off! Forgiveness can be instant, but trust is built over time and can be taken away at any given moment. Have faith that God will grant you that serenity if you simply ask. "Forgiveness", to me, means letting go and letting God!

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

I'd like to think that I understand how men work...what their "signs" are and what means what when they say or do different things. But what I do know is how women work. So guys, this ones for you. Not sure what signs she's giving you? Does she keep you in the friend zone, or is there a possibility for more? I got a group of 7 girls together to help me on this one, so I'm pretty confident that it's accurate.

Alright boys, my dad always told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, then he will find a way to be with her--texting, calling, asking her out--so we get it if you're a pretty straight forward guy. But here's the thing about girls, if they value your friendship, they are going to do whatever they can to salvage your feelings...aka they aren't going to come straight out and say I don't want to be with you because that's most likely going to make things awkward for the two of you. Your ego is shot, and well, the girl feels bad that she isn't interested.

Signs that a girl strictly wants to be your FRIEND:

Scenario: you and this girl have been hanging out as friends. You ask her to coffee or lunch (or if you're really bold, you'll ask her to dinner). The girl most likely considers you as a friend if:

• She makes sure that the "date" is during the day(night time=romantic time)
• She asks to meet you there(picking her up=possibility of a date)
• She continues to make excuses not to go..or just ignores you altogether(it's not you it's just she's avoiding the inevitable...hurting your feelings)
• She says she "forgot to text you back" (girls don't forget guys that they are interested in)
• She's distracted on her phone or not making eye contact at the "date"(eye contact, smile, touch=she's interested)
• She asks you for guy advice about another guy(get a CLUE...seriously)
• She orders first so that she can pay for her own food/etc.(guy paying=date, so don't offer if you don't want her thinking you have feelings for her)
• She invites other friends to your "date"(this is her 'I don't want to be alone with him" attempt)
• She talks about another guy that she's interested in/dated before(100% friend zone)
• She gives you side hugs(yes, friends get side hugs and guys of interest get bear hugs)

Signs that a girl wants to be WITH YOU:

Scenario: you and this girl are just friends in your eyes, but you think that she might want more. The girl is most likely wanting more if:

• She conspicuously sets you up on a double date with her and another couple(seems innocent at first because it's your friend but believe me..it's a DATE)
• She laughs at your jokes even if they aren't funny(yeah we know it boosts your ego)
• She plays it cool/hard to get(this ones tricky..if she really likes you she will watch to see if you react to her with someone else or just simply make eye contact with you)
• She asks you open ended questions so the conversation doesn't end(convo=I'm lonely or bored and you entertain me/I'm hoping to flirt)
• She is constantly making eye contact with you(studies show that if you make eye contact with a person 3 times or more you are physically attracted to them..so keep the eyes down if you're not interested!)
• She playfully hits you all the time or finds excuses to touch you(flirting 101)

Signs that a girl wants NOTHING to do with you:

Scenario: you've asked this girl out several times, and you're not sure what's going on. The girl most likely wants nothing to do with you if:

• She is always "busy"(girls make time for guys they like and even for guys that they consider just friends)
• She said she just got out of a relationship and she's not ready for another one
• She never responds to your calls/texts(who likes speaking to themselves anyways? You're better off)
• Or my personal favorite, she starts speaking in another language(I must admit I did this when I studied abroad in Italy and it is 100% *creeper* effective...just use wisely)

Of course these are generalizations! If a girl is giving you a side hug, that doesn't automatically mean that you're in the friend zone. But if you start to see multiple things in one of these categories happening then she's most likely sending you some kind of signal.

I know girls may seem confusing, but honestly we're pretty easy to read if you take the time to notice. Girls think through literally everything. Every text, every move, everything. So you have to think of us as intentional beings. Watch her body language. Is she listening intently to your every word or is she staring around the room anxiously waiting for the time to pass? Is she smiling and engaging in the conversation or is she letting you do all the talking? If we're as emotional as we're portrayed to be, you better believe we can send you the right body language signals to show you what we're feeling.

I think the hardest thing to read is when girls play "hard to get". This can get confusing because from what we've said earlier, she could genuinely be interested in someone else, OR she's trying to make you jealous. The best thing you can do is be honest with her. Tell her if you see her as one of the "bros", OR if you want more, grow a pair and ask her out! The absolute worst thing you could do is continue to reach out to her when you're not getting any reciprocation...that would be considered "*creeper*" status, and believe me you don't want to be that guy. I guess all in all dad's advice goes for both guys and girls. If a girl/boy wants to be with you then they will find a way...whether it's through body language or verbal communication girls will LET YOU KNOW if they see you as "Friends, lovers, or nothing".


*Urbandictionary* definition of a creeper:

A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. usually a close friend or relative. you know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. it is not hard to spot the creeper.

example: jeff was the "creeper" in the background

We Were Made to be Courageous!

Brace yourself..this is controversial!

As I look back on my past 3 1/2 years at the University of Oklahoma, I noticed a change...then I realized it's me! I'm not the same girl that began this college journey 7 semesters ago. I can attribute this to my professors, classes, my sorority, my friends, dating, work, or other extra curricular's, however, I have to say that I think the majority of it is the change of scenery. New place, new people, new experiences!

God tells us in Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” Change is good because we get so caught up in routines and consistency, yet we forget that there's an entire world out there that is urning for our eyes to see. If there is one thing that I can take away from OU it would be that they have taught me to focus on my strengths--not try to improve my weaknesses. 


This concept of concentrating on our weaknesses begins when we are children. Kids come home with report cards and when parents see a weak area, they get their kid a tutor for that class. This concept only builds with age. In the business world we are evaluated at least once a year by our superiors. If I am lacking in a certain area, then I would be asked to focus my attention to that area for the remainder of the year until the next review...and the cycle continues. Just THINK of all the time and effort we put into our weaknesses...and how much STRONGER we would be if we focused our attention on what God gave us...our strengths! 

As I mentioned in my first blog, I'm not one for words, nor am I at all interested in history. In fact I really find it hard to even pick up a book that's worth my while. I will never be that girl that reads for fun, or speaks with a plethora of big words. All my life I've been told to read more to expand my vocabulary, and study harder to understand the past. But I'm a math loving, business thinking, basic communication 101 kinda girl. My friends Holly and Annmarie joke about how I might not know the word I'm trying to portray, but my hands will give it away. (I tried speaking without my hands once, and I sounded pretty dysfunctional).

My point is, we are all searching for that special thing that sets us apart from everyone else. It's our natural human tendency to want to feel important. So focus your efforts on what you know, and be the best you can be at that! As a freshman I had the amazing opportunity to participate in OU's President's Community Scholars. In this program we had speakers come weekly from on and off campus to talk about leadership development, and the importance of volunteerism. One of my favorite meetings was about "Finding your Strength's"...imagine that!

We read the book "Strength's Finder 2.0" by Tom Rath, where you have the opportunity to take an online 45 minute quiz to evaluate your strengths. I've taken many tests like this before but this one is by far the most in depth and accurate description of my strengths and my peers' strengths as well. For example, my strengths are futuristic, winning others over, communication, consistency, and positivity. As humans our tendency would be to see this list and think "oh, positivity is the least of my strengths" but that's just it...they are all STRENGTHS. Stop beating yourself up because society tells us it's conceited to think your actually good at something and that being proud is egotistical. News flash...we all fall short of God's glory. NONE of us are perfect. SO own up to that and be proud of what he did give you...strengths.

We can use these to glorify God. Some people might think that by being a businessman, or a dentist, or even a bartender that there's no way to glorify him with that occupation. But Jesus was a carpenter. How does carving wood all day glorify God? It doesn't. Jesus had his heart with the Lord and he glorified him by showing others God's amazing grace and love. (I am by no means saying that we are anywhere near the greatness of Jesus Christ, but then again set your standards higher and compare yourself to the best, not the worst). Every strength God gave you can be used as an opportunity to reach a non-believer. 

I'm a business major, so I think of everything as a opportunity lost or won. If you don't believe that the Church institution is beneficial, why don't you start utilizing your strengths to find a solution, instead of being a part of the problem and digging your head in the sand. If you don't want to partake in certain activities because they aren't glorifying God...news flash...Jesus hung out with the lepers and prostitutes...if he can turn their lives around I think it's safe to say you can give it a shot. My point is if we don't start utilizing our God given talents to glorify him, then what good are they? It's time to take some ownership people. We are in a sinful world where literally everything is bad. So instead of cutting out the inevitable sin, why not focus on making this place a bit better because you have lived for Christ?

I know when I reach those pearly gates I want to say that I utilized my gifts for the better of God's kingdom. Somehow, that through my strength's, I was able to reach just one person. That, to me is to have succeeded. We were made to be courageous...so go BE and glorify him!

Holding Out For a Hero

I've never been one for words...writing, reading, english...it's all so grey and opinionated. Yet, I am now 22 years old and finding myself in need of an outlet. So this is my attempt to vent the stories of my life, and perhaps find the true benefits of "blogging"!

Love. You can't live with it and you can't live without it. Love found me first in high school with the star running back. He had green eyes, dark hair, and a smile that would take your breath away.We were crazy about each other, but unfortunately being a "popular" boy got the best of him and I found out I wasn't the only girl in his life. My mom always said that each relationship teaches us something that you can bring with you to the next one. So, my first love taught me to have a "guarded" trust. Trust is the most fundamental foundation that a relationship needs, yet girls(like myself) give it away too easily. I decided from that moment on I would no longer fall into this emotional trap. So, thanks for the lesson football star :)


It was because of this high school sweet heart(ache) that my heart was guarded when I met the second love of my life, however, I didn't know that I would soon give up the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I remember the night in June 2008 when I first hung out with him. He is the epitome of my dream guy. He's tall, tan, blue eyed, smart, athletic, funny, and most importantly, he's a man after God's heart. His family is one of THE most loving and supportive families that I've ever met, and I could immediately see the special bond that they share. I think that you can tell a lot about a man from his family, especially by the way that he treats his mother. I spent the entire summer with him before I went to college just being young, crazy kids. He was honestly the most respectable man I had ever dated(and will have ever dated to this day). But my heart wouldn't let him in. I couldn't allow another great guy break my heart. So I packed up and headed to Norman, OK to start my college journey at the University of Oklahoma...single.


I spent two years dating athletes, frat boys, and a guitar player, but none of them felt right. On my 21st birthday, my dream guy crept back into my life to celebrate with my friends and me in Dallas. Being the gentlemen he was, he followed us around all night making sure that we got home safe. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all this time I truly forgot what a great guy I had let slip away. Over Thanksgiving and Christmas break, he and I hung out as friends. In January I was going to Italy to study abroad for 6 months(not exactly the perfect timing to begin a relationship). I had to tell him my feelings before I left, but what would he say? I mean, I did break his heart, would he ever let me back in? When I told him that I still had feelings for him he said that he had questioned his feelings for me as well, but that the timing wasn't right for us since I would be half a world away.

Italy was the greatest thing I could have possibly done for my personal development. It opened my eyes to a completely different way of living and seizing the day! When I returned, I decided it was time for me to stop being the push over that never gets what she wants. I was going to take my relationship status into my own hands and really fight for what I want. And I wanted my dream guy. After literally 3 months of what I thought was the most torturous time of my life, I finally got him to take me on a date. Now, you might be thinking why would you wait that long for something that he clearly didn't want anymore? Well, I'm the type of person that literally cannot function when I have tension with someone. I have to fix things or I can't eat or sleep until it is resolved. So, knowing that I had let who I considered to be my future husband, go it was slowly eating away at my conscious.

What was the worst thing that could happen? He doesn't like me, and I move on. I give it all I can and have no regrets. And it worked! I had torn down those walls that he built up from his heartbreak. We were literally crazy about eachother. We spent 4 amazing months traveling back and forth between McKinney and Norman to see eachother as much as possible. They say when you know, you know, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. It didn't take long for us to have "the talk" about marriage, and surprisingly, we were on the same page! I've never felt happier.

On New Years Eve I heard those 3 words that makes every girl's heart leap out of their chest. He loved me! My parents were extatic. Even my dad, which if you know my father, is pretty spectacular seeing as I'm his only girl AND he's never been crazy about anyone I had ever dated. I had a job offer back home in Dallas, I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me, and 2 supportive parents that were genuinely happy for us. Life was great. But I should have known that perfection doesn't hang around long enough to see your next heartache. The next day I learned that my boyfriend, who I had faught tirelessly to win back for a year and a half, had a much different outlook on the role of holidays, politics, and church than I did. I was wanting to marry this man, and I cannot find the words to explain the heartbreak that I went through the next couple weeks and that I'm still facing today.

I think it's easy to blame God, or my "dream guy", or my parents, or even myself, for breaking us up. But like momma said there is a lesson to be learned from EVERY relationship. You can't point a finger at any single person, because a relationship is built on a combination of people who love eachother that at the end of the day have to be willing to work on life together. I think a relationship is the single most difficult job that any human can possibly endure. However, by loving another person through the most difficult times makes you appreciate them even more on the easy days. This relationship taught me that I need to find a man that's willing to do life together, that taking the easy way out is not an option with me, and that God puts these instances in your life on purpose to make you stronger. So, instead of sitting on my butt and crying to my friends and eating a whole lot of junk food to ease the pain, I'm trying a new approach--learning and moving on.

Thank you so much to the second love of my life for getting me that much closer to my true dream guy. You've touched my life in a way no one has ever done before. You challenged my faith and I'm a better person for that. As of today I am dancing with the Lord, and waiting for my future husband to cut in when he's meant to. Until then, I'm "holding out for a hero".