Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

I'd like to think that I understand how men work...what their "signs" are and what means what when they say or do different things. But what I do know is how women work. So guys, this ones for you. Not sure what signs she's giving you? Does she keep you in the friend zone, or is there a possibility for more? I got a group of 7 girls together to help me on this one, so I'm pretty confident that it's accurate.

Alright boys, my dad always told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, then he will find a way to be with her--texting, calling, asking her out--so we get it if you're a pretty straight forward guy. But here's the thing about girls, if they value your friendship, they are going to do whatever they can to salvage your feelings...aka they aren't going to come straight out and say I don't want to be with you because that's most likely going to make things awkward for the two of you. Your ego is shot, and well, the girl feels bad that she isn't interested.

Signs that a girl strictly wants to be your FRIEND:

Scenario: you and this girl have been hanging out as friends. You ask her to coffee or lunch (or if you're really bold, you'll ask her to dinner). The girl most likely considers you as a friend if:

• She makes sure that the "date" is during the day(night time=romantic time)
• She asks to meet you there(picking her up=possibility of a date)
• She continues to make excuses not to go..or just ignores you altogether(it's not you it's just she's avoiding the inevitable...hurting your feelings)
• She says she "forgot to text you back" (girls don't forget guys that they are interested in)
• She's distracted on her phone or not making eye contact at the "date"(eye contact, smile, touch=she's interested)
• She asks you for guy advice about another guy(get a CLUE...seriously)
• She orders first so that she can pay for her own food/etc.(guy paying=date, so don't offer if you don't want her thinking you have feelings for her)
• She invites other friends to your "date"(this is her 'I don't want to be alone with him" attempt)
• She talks about another guy that she's interested in/dated before(100% friend zone)
• She gives you side hugs(yes, friends get side hugs and guys of interest get bear hugs)

Signs that a girl wants to be WITH YOU:

Scenario: you and this girl are just friends in your eyes, but you think that she might want more. The girl is most likely wanting more if:

• She conspicuously sets you up on a double date with her and another couple(seems innocent at first because it's your friend but believe me..it's a DATE)
• She laughs at your jokes even if they aren't funny(yeah we know it boosts your ego)
• She plays it cool/hard to get(this ones tricky..if she really likes you she will watch to see if you react to her with someone else or just simply make eye contact with you)
• She asks you open ended questions so the conversation doesn't end(convo=I'm lonely or bored and you entertain me/I'm hoping to flirt)
• She is constantly making eye contact with you(studies show that if you make eye contact with a person 3 times or more you are physically attracted to them..so keep the eyes down if you're not interested!)
• She playfully hits you all the time or finds excuses to touch you(flirting 101)

Signs that a girl wants NOTHING to do with you:

Scenario: you've asked this girl out several times, and you're not sure what's going on. The girl most likely wants nothing to do with you if:

• She is always "busy"(girls make time for guys they like and even for guys that they consider just friends)
• She said she just got out of a relationship and she's not ready for another one
• She never responds to your calls/texts(who likes speaking to themselves anyways? You're better off)
• Or my personal favorite, she starts speaking in another language(I must admit I did this when I studied abroad in Italy and it is 100% *creeper* effective...just use wisely)

Of course these are generalizations! If a girl is giving you a side hug, that doesn't automatically mean that you're in the friend zone. But if you start to see multiple things in one of these categories happening then she's most likely sending you some kind of signal.

I know girls may seem confusing, but honestly we're pretty easy to read if you take the time to notice. Girls think through literally everything. Every text, every move, everything. So you have to think of us as intentional beings. Watch her body language. Is she listening intently to your every word or is she staring around the room anxiously waiting for the time to pass? Is she smiling and engaging in the conversation or is she letting you do all the talking? If we're as emotional as we're portrayed to be, you better believe we can send you the right body language signals to show you what we're feeling.

I think the hardest thing to read is when girls play "hard to get". This can get confusing because from what we've said earlier, she could genuinely be interested in someone else, OR she's trying to make you jealous. The best thing you can do is be honest with her. Tell her if you see her as one of the "bros", OR if you want more, grow a pair and ask her out! The absolute worst thing you could do is continue to reach out to her when you're not getting any reciprocation...that would be considered "*creeper*" status, and believe me you don't want to be that guy. I guess all in all dad's advice goes for both guys and girls. If a girl/boy wants to be with you then they will find a way...whether it's through body language or verbal communication girls will LET YOU KNOW if they see you as "Friends, lovers, or nothing".


*Urbandictionary* definition of a creeper:

A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. usually a close friend or relative. you know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. it is not hard to spot the creeper.

example: jeff was the "creeper" in the background

We Were Made to be Courageous!

Brace yourself..this is controversial!

As I look back on my past 3 1/2 years at the University of Oklahoma, I noticed a change...then I realized it's me! I'm not the same girl that began this college journey 7 semesters ago. I can attribute this to my professors, classes, my sorority, my friends, dating, work, or other extra curricular's, however, I have to say that I think the majority of it is the change of scenery. New place, new people, new experiences!

God tells us in Psalm 31:24 “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” Change is good because we get so caught up in routines and consistency, yet we forget that there's an entire world out there that is urning for our eyes to see. If there is one thing that I can take away from OU it would be that they have taught me to focus on my strengths--not try to improve my weaknesses. 


This concept of concentrating on our weaknesses begins when we are children. Kids come home with report cards and when parents see a weak area, they get their kid a tutor for that class. This concept only builds with age. In the business world we are evaluated at least once a year by our superiors. If I am lacking in a certain area, then I would be asked to focus my attention to that area for the remainder of the year until the next review...and the cycle continues. Just THINK of all the time and effort we put into our weaknesses...and how much STRONGER we would be if we focused our attention on what God gave us...our strengths! 

As I mentioned in my first blog, I'm not one for words, nor am I at all interested in history. In fact I really find it hard to even pick up a book that's worth my while. I will never be that girl that reads for fun, or speaks with a plethora of big words. All my life I've been told to read more to expand my vocabulary, and study harder to understand the past. But I'm a math loving, business thinking, basic communication 101 kinda girl. My friends Holly and Annmarie joke about how I might not know the word I'm trying to portray, but my hands will give it away. (I tried speaking without my hands once, and I sounded pretty dysfunctional).

My point is, we are all searching for that special thing that sets us apart from everyone else. It's our natural human tendency to want to feel important. So focus your efforts on what you know, and be the best you can be at that! As a freshman I had the amazing opportunity to participate in OU's President's Community Scholars. In this program we had speakers come weekly from on and off campus to talk about leadership development, and the importance of volunteerism. One of my favorite meetings was about "Finding your Strength's"...imagine that!

We read the book "Strength's Finder 2.0" by Tom Rath, where you have the opportunity to take an online 45 minute quiz to evaluate your strengths. I've taken many tests like this before but this one is by far the most in depth and accurate description of my strengths and my peers' strengths as well. For example, my strengths are futuristic, winning others over, communication, consistency, and positivity. As humans our tendency would be to see this list and think "oh, positivity is the least of my strengths" but that's just it...they are all STRENGTHS. Stop beating yourself up because society tells us it's conceited to think your actually good at something and that being proud is egotistical. News flash...we all fall short of God's glory. NONE of us are perfect. SO own up to that and be proud of what he did give you...strengths.

We can use these to glorify God. Some people might think that by being a businessman, or a dentist, or even a bartender that there's no way to glorify him with that occupation. But Jesus was a carpenter. How does carving wood all day glorify God? It doesn't. Jesus had his heart with the Lord and he glorified him by showing others God's amazing grace and love. (I am by no means saying that we are anywhere near the greatness of Jesus Christ, but then again set your standards higher and compare yourself to the best, not the worst). Every strength God gave you can be used as an opportunity to reach a non-believer. 

I'm a business major, so I think of everything as a opportunity lost or won. If you don't believe that the Church institution is beneficial, why don't you start utilizing your strengths to find a solution, instead of being a part of the problem and digging your head in the sand. If you don't want to partake in certain activities because they aren't glorifying God...news flash...Jesus hung out with the lepers and prostitutes...if he can turn their lives around I think it's safe to say you can give it a shot. My point is if we don't start utilizing our God given talents to glorify him, then what good are they? It's time to take some ownership people. We are in a sinful world where literally everything is bad. So instead of cutting out the inevitable sin, why not focus on making this place a bit better because you have lived for Christ?

I know when I reach those pearly gates I want to say that I utilized my gifts for the better of God's kingdom. Somehow, that through my strength's, I was able to reach just one person. That, to me is to have succeeded. We were made to be courageous...so go BE and glorify him!

Holding Out For a Hero

I've never been one for words...writing, reading, english...it's all so grey and opinionated. Yet, I am now 22 years old and finding myself in need of an outlet. So this is my attempt to vent the stories of my life, and perhaps find the true benefits of "blogging"!

Love. You can't live with it and you can't live without it. Love found me first in high school with the star running back. He had green eyes, dark hair, and a smile that would take your breath away.We were crazy about each other, but unfortunately being a "popular" boy got the best of him and I found out I wasn't the only girl in his life. My mom always said that each relationship teaches us something that you can bring with you to the next one. So, my first love taught me to have a "guarded" trust. Trust is the most fundamental foundation that a relationship needs, yet girls(like myself) give it away too easily. I decided from that moment on I would no longer fall into this emotional trap. So, thanks for the lesson football star :)


It was because of this high school sweet heart(ache) that my heart was guarded when I met the second love of my life, however, I didn't know that I would soon give up the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I remember the night in June 2008 when I first hung out with him. He is the epitome of my dream guy. He's tall, tan, blue eyed, smart, athletic, funny, and most importantly, he's a man after God's heart. His family is one of THE most loving and supportive families that I've ever met, and I could immediately see the special bond that they share. I think that you can tell a lot about a man from his family, especially by the way that he treats his mother. I spent the entire summer with him before I went to college just being young, crazy kids. He was honestly the most respectable man I had ever dated(and will have ever dated to this day). But my heart wouldn't let him in. I couldn't allow another great guy break my heart. So I packed up and headed to Norman, OK to start my college journey at the University of Oklahoma...single.


I spent two years dating athletes, frat boys, and a guitar player, but none of them felt right. On my 21st birthday, my dream guy crept back into my life to celebrate with my friends and me in Dallas. Being the gentlemen he was, he followed us around all night making sure that we got home safe. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all this time I truly forgot what a great guy I had let slip away. Over Thanksgiving and Christmas break, he and I hung out as friends. In January I was going to Italy to study abroad for 6 months(not exactly the perfect timing to begin a relationship). I had to tell him my feelings before I left, but what would he say? I mean, I did break his heart, would he ever let me back in? When I told him that I still had feelings for him he said that he had questioned his feelings for me as well, but that the timing wasn't right for us since I would be half a world away.

Italy was the greatest thing I could have possibly done for my personal development. It opened my eyes to a completely different way of living and seizing the day! When I returned, I decided it was time for me to stop being the push over that never gets what she wants. I was going to take my relationship status into my own hands and really fight for what I want. And I wanted my dream guy. After literally 3 months of what I thought was the most torturous time of my life, I finally got him to take me on a date. Now, you might be thinking why would you wait that long for something that he clearly didn't want anymore? Well, I'm the type of person that literally cannot function when I have tension with someone. I have to fix things or I can't eat or sleep until it is resolved. So, knowing that I had let who I considered to be my future husband, go it was slowly eating away at my conscious.

What was the worst thing that could happen? He doesn't like me, and I move on. I give it all I can and have no regrets. And it worked! I had torn down those walls that he built up from his heartbreak. We were literally crazy about eachother. We spent 4 amazing months traveling back and forth between McKinney and Norman to see eachother as much as possible. They say when you know, you know, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. It didn't take long for us to have "the talk" about marriage, and surprisingly, we were on the same page! I've never felt happier.

On New Years Eve I heard those 3 words that makes every girl's heart leap out of their chest. He loved me! My parents were extatic. Even my dad, which if you know my father, is pretty spectacular seeing as I'm his only girl AND he's never been crazy about anyone I had ever dated. I had a job offer back home in Dallas, I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me, and 2 supportive parents that were genuinely happy for us. Life was great. But I should have known that perfection doesn't hang around long enough to see your next heartache. The next day I learned that my boyfriend, who I had faught tirelessly to win back for a year and a half, had a much different outlook on the role of holidays, politics, and church than I did. I was wanting to marry this man, and I cannot find the words to explain the heartbreak that I went through the next couple weeks and that I'm still facing today.

I think it's easy to blame God, or my "dream guy", or my parents, or even myself, for breaking us up. But like momma said there is a lesson to be learned from EVERY relationship. You can't point a finger at any single person, because a relationship is built on a combination of people who love eachother that at the end of the day have to be willing to work on life together. I think a relationship is the single most difficult job that any human can possibly endure. However, by loving another person through the most difficult times makes you appreciate them even more on the easy days. This relationship taught me that I need to find a man that's willing to do life together, that taking the easy way out is not an option with me, and that God puts these instances in your life on purpose to make you stronger. So, instead of sitting on my butt and crying to my friends and eating a whole lot of junk food to ease the pain, I'm trying a new approach--learning and moving on.

Thank you so much to the second love of my life for getting me that much closer to my true dream guy. You've touched my life in a way no one has ever done before. You challenged my faith and I'm a better person for that. As of today I am dancing with the Lord, and waiting for my future husband to cut in when he's meant to. Until then, I'm "holding out for a hero".